if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
