it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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