Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
