I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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