every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
