Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
