I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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