eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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