did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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