she was so not down for the gang bang
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
