The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize