apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
