shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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