The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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