i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
