i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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