I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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