i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
