If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
