I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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