the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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