Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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