You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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