if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you will always have a special place in my vag
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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