I think I died a long time ago.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Randomize
