So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
