I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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