your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize