I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
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its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
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I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.