:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...