We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??