im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
