In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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