Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
