brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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