You're so nebulous sometimes
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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