dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
