She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
