Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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