I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
