Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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