she woke up with a sticky ear
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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