I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
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