We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
