Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
