I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
