it wasn't lemon gatorade
where am i from again
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
