I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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