i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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