apparently the secret to your success is patron
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
