the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize