I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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