I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
