Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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