that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
