Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
