There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
