Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
