the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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