I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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