Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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