For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
