We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
