I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you traded sex for a burrito?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
be right there i have to get my cape
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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