happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Girls should come with a carfax report
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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