I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
