And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
