We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
