Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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