I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
