So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You pole danced in your parka.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
