He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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