everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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