A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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