you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Duck Duck Cougar?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
