why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
