Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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