It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
