Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The dick lei will go down in squad history
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
